My Obituary

Saya Kojima passed away on September 1st, at the age of 50.

Ms. Kojima was born in 1992, in Tokyo. She loved music since her childhood, so after she graduated from university, she worked as a music writer. She worked at famous music magazine company. 10 years after she entered the company, she became independent, and played an active role in music industry as a music journalist. She set up many music events and a number of people were excited by them.

She worked so hard as a journalist, but on the other hand, she treasured her family very much. Though she had no children, she had quite good relationship with her husband. In holidays, they often traveled together. Two weeks before her death, they went to Salar de Uyuni, which had been their dream for long time.

Ms. Kojima's funeral will be held at her home, only by her family and friends. In the funeral, some musicians who were the friends of Ms. Kojima will perform.

Studied with Kouhai

Today, I was called by my Kouhai, Risa, and I taught her English.

Risa is two years younger than me, and she is going to take the entrance exam next Saturday.

She said she is not good at English, and I was good at English (for the exam), so she asked me to help her.

We hadn't seen each other so long time, so I worried that we might not study much but talk so much, but I need not think it. She was really serious. We studied for six hours!

I don't know I can be helpful for her, but I strongly hope she can do well in the exam.

My View of Religion

I am very familiar with Christianity, because I went to Christian elementary school, junior high school, high school, and university. I have wanted to baptize for several times, but I couldn't.

My father is very strict Buddhist. He believes in Nichirenshu (日蓮宗), and he worship a household Buddhist alter every day morning and evening. He is so strict that when he got married with my mother, he refused to sing hymns (I hear this from my mother). Also, when I was a child, I found that my father and grandfather had quarreled. I heard that my grandfather was chosen as "Uziko" of the local shrine, just during a festival. My father was very angry about it, and he insisted my grandfather should decline it.

Through these incidents, I understood that my father hates other religions than Buddhism. So I could never say that I want to receive baptism.

I'm going to be 20 years old next December, so it will be the chance for me to think about receiving baptism. This time, I hope I can decide without my father's effect.

Reaction to the Concert

Yesterday, I went to CMS Orchestra the 84th Autumn Regular Consert.

I played the flute in brass band club of high school, but I've never played in orchestra. However, I really like to listen to orchestra music.

I'm taking the Western Music course this term. I studied about "Die Zauberflöte"　composed by Mozart, and yesterday CMS played this tune. I often listen to the tune on CD, but it was first time for me to listen to this tune played in "live" of orchestra. I was really moved.

I could spend great time with the great music! :)

What does "Love" mean to me?

I think Japanese people tend to hesitate when they use the word "love". Even though there's the person who I actually "love", probably I cannot say "I love you " to him or her. Instead of saying so, I say "I really like you." There's huge gap between "love" and "like".

Then, what is the meaning of "love"?
In order to define it, I considered where the love is.

I can say I love my family. There are some merits to be with my family, for example, I can have a house to live, meal to eat. However, if there's no merit to be with my family, nevertheless I want to be with my family, just because I love them. I think this is a factor of love.

In short, one meaning of "love" is to want to be with someone with no benefit.

I cannot say the word "love" now, but I want to say this word to someone I really think so.

If I could change one thing about myself...

If I could change one thing about myself, I want to change my voice.

I don't like my voice very much, even though I like to sing.
I have a complex about my voice.

I think the tone of my voice is lower than the average girls' voices.
When I was talking with my friend, once he said that;
"Your voice is like a man! Do you have ojisan in your throat?"
I know that he was just kidding, so I laughed at that time, but I was a little shocked.

Moreover, my voice is too low to sing the songs which were sung by women artists.
For instance, I like Tokyo Incidents (東京事変) very much.
However, Sheena Ringo's voice (the vocalist of Tokyo Incidents) is so high and I can never sing their tunes.
I can sing almost no tunes of woman artists ;-(

I really wish my voice was higher than now...

What is "happiness" to me?

For me, "happiness" is not so big thing.

Even if there is a lot of money, it cannot always be said as happiness.
However, if there are the people who I love, for example, family, friends, I hope it can be said "happy".

I don't know the situation without enough money to live, so probably I'm saying whitewashing. Nevertheless, I believe that, happiness is there are people who love me and I love whom.

The happiest thing I ever experienced

There were many happy things in my life, but the happiest thing I ever experienced started with this tune, "Nanashoku Kureyon".

This tune was played by Trick Star, which was the Amateur band of Nagoya.


In 2010, when I listened to the radio, I found this tune.

Once I listened this tune, I soon liked and I wanted to go to their live.
However, they live and act in Nagoya. For me, Nagoya is so far, and I couldn't go to their live for two years.

This summer, one day, I knew that Trick Star comes and act in Tokyo. I soon decided to go.

And, at the almost same time, I knew Trick Star was going to be stop their activity. The live I'd decided to go was the semi-final for them.

I was really looking forward to going the live, but, I was scared.
I didn't know what I should say to the members, and I had no confidence to see their live without crying, because I liked them very much.

The day of the live, I was waited for them the front low.
Before the live began, I was struggling to stop my tears.

When the live started, I cannot stop crying.
Because the first tune was "Nanashoku Kureyon", Which I really wanted to listen in the live.

After two or three tunes, Kouta (the vocalist of Trick Star) said.
"It's OK. You can cry."
So, I cried (without voice) during and after the live.

When the live finished, Kouta comes to me and said.
"Thank you for coming and crying.
Did you hear me? You can cry."
I was so happy because he talks to me! And I started to cry again.
"Hey! Stop to cry, because I also cry in sympathy!" he said.

I don't remember the conversation we had well, but we talked for a while.
I could tell that I liked them and really wanted to come to the live.

At the very last of our conversation, Kouta said.
"Can we take the picture with you?"
Then, we took this picture.

  

Kouta is the man who is in the center, and other two are also the members of Trick Star. 

This picture is my treasure.

He said, "Trick Star stops, but I never stop singing. So, see you again."

I never forget his words. 

I often go to live house and see many musicians.

But, Trick Star is the special band for me.

What are my greatest strengths and weaknesses?

One of my greatest strengths is that I can focus on something I'm interested in.
For example, I'm interested in music very much. So, I take the courses which are concerned to music. In these classes, I feel 90 minutes really short. However, it is very difficult for me to concentrate on something I'm not interested in very much. Moreover, it is not so easy for me to be interested in something. In short, I cannot focus on many things. This is one of my greatest weaknesses.

I have another strong weakness, which is shyness. I'm terribly shy, and　I'm clueless about making friends and talking with someone who I don't know well. I can never talk to someone who I meet for the first time, unless he or she talks to me. I really want to improve this situation, but my shyness prevent it... This is the most serious weakness of mine.